Decision Making Made Easy
In my previous article, "The Exceptional Expat" the idea of a particular mindset for success was introduced and the following questions were addressed:
- What makes an expat or an expat experience exceptional?
- Have you ever met those expats who seem to have it all "down-pat"?
- How do they seem to effortlessly transition between postings and not only survive the experience but truly thrive and grow in the process?
This article builds on the success principles of expats and introduces the second principle: we do the best we can with the resources (time, money, knowledge, experience, etc.) we have at the time.
While this sounds simple and relatively straightforward, when you stop and think it through, it can actually free you from the "if only" syndrome that everyone suffers from at some point. When making any decision (and let’s face it, expats have some pretty big decisions to make regularly) it can be tempting to fall into the trap of thinking "if only we had known THAT before doing this." Do you know how much energy and head space this kind of thinking takes up? It’s time to stop it. Now.
Be Ready to Make a Detour
Hindsight is a marvelous thing, but it is actually not very helpful at all. Of course if we had all the information at the time of making the decision, we may well have chosen differently. Part of the fun of expat life is to stop and regularly review how far you have come — both geographically and emotionally. When was the last time you checked in on your journey? Think back to a big decision you have made in the past. How do you feel about it now? It is simply not possible to have all the information at the time, so you have to go with the "best" option. Knowing what you know today, was it still the best option? Fortunately nobody really knows for sure and I am delighted to tell you that it doesn’t actually matter!
Learning to accept the responsibility of the outcomes of our decisions and being kind to ourselves in the process is all we can do. Assigning blame does not help. I am sure you will agree that you don’t purposefully choose the worst possible option for you and your family. For example, we chose expat life at a time my career was really taking off and I was torn about the decision to leave. Would I have been more successful or happier if we had continued our "old" life? Yes, No, Maybe — these are all worthy answers, yet focusing solely on the past and choosing not to learn anything from this expat adventure is like driving while only looking in the rear view mirror…
Accepting that we all do the best we can with the knowledge we have is a revelation in our thought and decision making processes. It is liberating as it removes a certain sense of burden or blame if things don’t work out as expected — think of it as the forgiveness framework. When I talk about this idea, I often highlight how we parent or educate children — parents, psychologists and teachers research, learn and adapt traditional methods, new trends emerge and are believed to be the "right" way of doing things. Of course these methods are superseded by the next "new" trend! But this doesn’t mean that what we did previously was wrong or wasted — it is the foundation for the next layer to be built on.
Ask the Right Questions
Of course, we all want to make the best choices and there are strategies and models you can adopt to ensure you are asking yourself the right questions. My favorite one and the one I find most effective is the Kaizen approach. Ask a friend or your partner to ask you the following four questions and just go with the first thoughts that pop into your head — there is no right or wrong:
- What will happen if I/we do this?
- What wont happen if I/we do this?
- What will happen if I/we don’t do this?
- What won’t happen if I/we don’t do this?
Once you come up with a few ideas, begin to go a bit deeper and have your questioner ask you "what else" several more times until you have at least five answers for each question.
The last question is designed to fry the logical part of your mind, so just go with whatever comes up. Don’t over-think it.
You will be amazed at how this simple model can clarify the options available to you, and remember, if you had 100% certainty about the outcome, would you have as much fun on the journey getting there?! Adopting this one principle means you will begin making decisions effortlessly now and in the future. Gone are the days of being tied in knots and feeling stuck or frozen when you need to make a big life changing decision. Practice asking yourself these questions with smaller decisions and see how easy it is.
Over the next few issues, we will explore areas such as taking responsibility, living with gratitude and learning to embrace uncertainty among other topics. I would love to hear from you regarding your own particular challenges and the solutions or the principles you have developed to help you navigate expat life.
Love your journey!
