From New York City to a Little Village in Portugal — What You Believe Becomes Your Reality

New York City. 2009. I had just started dating the woman that would become my wife two years later. She was only my second relationship with a woman and I was still struggling with the transition. For years, I had tried to sleep my way into heterosexuality. Obviously, that didn’t work. It was the only clever plan my mind could conceive of in order to make me “fit in” more. I was already so different in other areas of my life that being gay would only make me stand out even more. And at this point, I didn’t want to stand out. I wanted to disappear into the crowds walking around Manhattan. I was at least thankful that during these times of inner turmoil, I lived smack in the middle of the Big Apple. You really couldn’t be in a more open, liberal place. At least I wasn’t in a conservative town, where I could be ridiculed or bothered.

The Man on the Stoop

And that’s when I was humiliated and screamed at in the middle of a New York City street.

I was walking down a busy street with my new girlfriend, holding hands. We were happy and giggling about something silly. I looked ahead and saw a man sitting on a stoop, in front of a beautiful brownstone. He caught my attention because I could sense his energy changing as we approach. He became irritated, angry. I felt my grip tighten a little, as I was holding my girlfriend’s hand. I knew trouble was coming.

As we approached, he began to talk about the Bible and then he started shouting at us. “Jesus will send you to Hell!” We walked by and thankfully he didn’t follow us or show signs of physical aggression, but the screaming continued as we walked down the street. “You are abominations!” In that moment I felt a strong urge to let go of my girlfriend’s hand but resisted it. Everyone on the street was now looking in our direction. I felt so utterly humiliated. And sad. A deep sadness took over.

My girlfriend smiled it off and didn’t seem too bothered by the encounter. She was more secure in her sexuality than I was at this point. I was shaking. And then...angry. Here I was, living in the middle of one of the most open-minded places on earth. If I could get screamed at or accosted here, then it could happen anywhere. I felt a deep fear at that realization. And I changed my behavior on account of it.

Suddenly, I didn’t like holding my girlfriend’s hand when we were in public. And when she insisted on any public displays of affection, I made sure to constantly look around for men sitting on stoops. I don’t think she ever noticed how much that single event rattled me. And at this point in my life, I wasn’t one to talk about my deep fears. I was a concrete wall.

Two Years Later: a Wedding and a Surprise

Two years later, I was standing on a balcony overlooking the breathtaking Northern Atlantic. I was holding my beloved’s hand and repeating my marriage vows to her. I was on the Azores Islands, in Portugal. This was the birthplace of my parents and the place I called “home”. Enough had changed within for me to even consider this decision: getting married to a woman in a small, traditional Catholic society. We were only the second same-sex couple to get married on the island, after Portugal had passed a same-sex marriage bill. I was happy to be celebrating my wedding in such a gorgeous place but I was also scared. I was afraid of men sitting on stoops.

“You can be sure someone’s going to say something to you”, I thought so many times in the days before the wedding. I kept the fears bottled up and distracted myself with the many wedding guests that were arriving from all over the world.

And just when I was expecting to be judged or ridiculed by my island community, life would teach me a lesson:

People began to approach me on the street to congratulate me on my wedding. They wished me the best. Neighbors and locals brought food to help feed all the wedding guests. Every day I would awake to gifts in the kitchen: fresh eggs, vegetables from the garden, fresh bread, island cheese. I was overwhelmed with joy but was also keenly aware of what life was showing me.

The truth is, when you live in accordance with your essence, your reality begins to mold itself to that essence. In other words, what you believe becomes your reality.

From that moment on, I never again worried about men on stoops. No matter where life took me, I would live my inner truth with joy, freedom and openness.

Inner Truth and External Reality

Will I ever encounter a man on a stoop again? Maybe. But it doesn’t matter. Now that I know who I am and shine that light in all directions, nothing can rattle me.

Coincidently (or not), since I began to live my inner truth openly, my external reality mirrors that truth. I went from Manhattan to a small village in the Sintra National Forest, north of Lisbon. And I’m more open here than I was in the Big Apple. Sometimes, people are surprised when I tell them I’m gay. Yet surprise is followed by openness and a welcoming embrace.

In the end, perhaps this is part of my life purpose too: to show those around me a different way of life. To show them diversity and to love everyone— no matter where they are on their evolutionary path.

Christina Lopes is an energy healer, spiritual teacher/life coach, and published author. Her road through life has taken her to places of wonder, both without and within. One of her main lessons in life is this: “Simply BE and everything else follows.” Christina currently shines her Being in Sintra, Portugal. But she loves to travel the word and connect with the light in others.