Not Easier, but Still Different

Tangible Loss

As a single person, finding friends is a priority, and as an introvert this drains a lot of energy. This heightens the feeling when one of these friends leave no matter how brief the friendship. When you find people you click with, the friendship can develop quickly. This makes for some interesting, fun times and not to mention many new experiences. The pitfall (and the point of this article) is that I now find myself saying goodbye on a more regular basis and it’s become harder to sweep that feeling of loss under the rug.

This only dawned on me a short while ago when I was at a going-away party for two expats, two guys who I was friends with and had some good times with, but we weren’t exactly BFFs! As I sat there, I started to see the emotion around the braai (charcoal barbeque for those outside Southern Africa) of both those departing and those saying goodbye. It was only subtle, a hug here, a few quick words there and the customary off-loading of stuff that wasn’t within the moving allowance of the company. This started to get to me, and I ended up leaving the party early, of course with the hug/handshake and walk technique (I will be patenting this soon). In the car I had to compose myself as I realized this would be the first of many goodbyes.

Actually, it was only a few weeks later that I was invited to another going-away party, which I dealt with a little more gracefully. I realized that as difficult this is for me, I was only saying goodbye to one person, instead of several people. It was at the same time that two of my closest expat friends (a couple) announced that the big promotion had come through and they’d be off to London soon. That one hit hard (I was also a little jealous — this promotion is the job of a lifetime), but as I have time to prepare for their departure, I’m starting to realize that saying goodbye is a good thing.

Two Sides to Every Coin

Why do I see this as potentially a good thing? My friends are moving on to bigger and better things, which I am excited about for them. I will miss them, of course, but selfishly, there will be more room in my own life to welcome new friends and experiences. I’ve also come to the realization that catching up with friends from home or expat friends who’ve moved on doesn’t have to be about re-creating the same bubble (if only briefly) that used to exist. There is the opportunity to talk about something more. You may no longer know every small detail of one another’s life, but this will make the conversation fresher and more exciting — once you get over the jet lag, of course.

In my 20s, being tough about saying goodbye was almost a badge of honor… and we all know that anything we think in our 20s is utter crap. I don’t think saying goodbye has become easier, but I do think that I am learning to appreciate it and the friendship that warranted such emotions.